new low.... made out with someone while peeing
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
