Screwed.edu
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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