that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have already put on my inside pants.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
