I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
