college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
