dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
