I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
