just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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