There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
