you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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