why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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