I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
