wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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