so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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