It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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