It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
