Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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