SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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