everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
