He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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