I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
