When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What a dumb baby whore.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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