I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
