I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
