my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
