i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
