so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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