You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
