this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
