I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
