I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
