I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
