I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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