He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
