I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
