hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
