Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
