i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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