i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize