Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
