I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
