I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
