Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
