Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You left your phone here
Wait...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
