guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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