Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
