if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
