Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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