weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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