She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
