It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
