My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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