so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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