he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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