I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
