no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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