Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
