If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
