My sheets look like a crime scene.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
