my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
