But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
