I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
is it fun? or sober?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
