Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
