everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
