Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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