Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
