is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
