Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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