Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
