If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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